The release and presence of inward boundlessness
Transcending external validation to embrace the quiet heritage of self-worth
For of to much, or of to lite, There is algate found a wite : So that thei follow not the line, Of the perfect Medicine, Which grounded is upon nature; But thei that writen the Scripture; Of Greke, Arabe, and Caldee, Thei were of such Auftoritee, That thei firfte founden out the wey, Of all that thou haft herd me fey, Whereof the Cronicke of her Lore, Shall ftonde in price for evermore (373).
—John Gower, concerning the philosophers stone, found in Elias Ashmole’s Theatrum Chemicum Britannicum
As a white male, living in Canada after 33 years, I often find myself clearest in the quiet, small gestures.
But, there is often a gnawing question:
Am I enough?
It’s a reminder of the practical habit of introspection, acquired as natural as breathing, from the mindful wanderings of my unspoken self.
But, how true is that?
I wonder, “Have I missed my mark?” “Is it too late to make something of myself?”
As I sit and write this article, I try to comprehend the gravity of these thoughts, and, while I’m still alive, it’s not without challenges to remain hopeful of the uncertainties which lay ahead.
But, presence is presented, often as an elusive friends, as a way back; away from the ruminations, contemplating a life I’d rather live.
It’s close enough to understand, but distant enough to feel unfamiliar, and my recent feelings of overwhelm mount, thinking about missed responsibilities, as they crush the air out of my chest, exhausting the precious air I expire under the weight of an ocean.
Then, I remembered the “Five Senses” exercise.
It’s about simply noticing your surroundings:
five things you can see,
four you can feel,
three you can hear,
two you can smell, and
one you can taste.
As I started, the world around me slowed down, long enough to notice, for a few moments, I’d been pulled from the frenzied surge of rumination, if only to pause on its periphery and grasp a gasp.
The consuetudo of présence
Though I’m often aware of the benefits of mindfulness, putting it into action requires effort as my mind frequently becomes caught in patterns that pull me away from the present.
The human tendency to dwell on past mistakes or anticipate future outcomes is linked to the Default Mode Network (DMN) in the brain, which activates during mind-wandering and focuses on self-reflective thought1.
The wandering mind taps into the brain’s negativity bias, forming habit loops that reinforce anxious, repetitive thoughts and anticipatory worry; this cycle of rumination fuels stress, creating a mental landscape where awareness is possible but often clouded by distraction.
As a powerful counterpoint, various practices have been devised to combat this, all serving tp promote present-moment awareness, flexibly connecting others, ultimately guiding individuals away from thoughts of self-centered loops towards meaning, adaptability, and resilience2.
On acceptance and resilience
As I observe my own writing, I find an overwhelming attention to acceptance and resilience.
But, what do those words mean?
When I think about an answer, I reflect upon the words of Goethe.
The passage above is from Goethe’s Wilhelm Meister’s Apprenticeship, and it makes me feel as though I’m shaped and fashioned by what I love (Liebe formt und gestaltet mich): imperfection, projected deceptions, imaginary fantasy, are all subject to the same optimized precision, transparent in monitoring reality towards an orientation focused on tangible, concrete thinking.
In Faust, Goethe famously declares, “If on the bed of sloth I loll contented ever, then with that moment end my race!,” an expression denoting the refusal to succumb to passive satisfactions (wer immer strebend sich bemüht, den können wir erlösen)3.
The opening epitaph from Albert G. Lathan’s translation of Faust reads:
As into some cathedral's echoing aisle, Vast and mysterious in the failing light, Where soaring arches melt into the night, And massy pillars stretch out shadowy miles, We enter here, O Master of many styles ! Without, grim gargoyles wing their frozen flight ; Martyrs and saints the storied windows dight. Triumphant victors o'er the Tempter's wiles ; A crucifix o'er the high altar towers, Great symbol of unconquerable Love ; Baffled the Evil Spirit limps away ; The air is heavy with Mother Mary's flowers ; Whiter than 'gainst an angry sky the dove, With streaming eyes, a white soul kneels to pray.
Constantine’s vision of a cross’s inscription, Hoc signo vinces (in this sign, you will conquer), likens entering a grand cathedral, where shadowy pillars and solemn symbols evoke a vast, mysterious atmosphere; in this space, spiritual triumph exists—where saints, martyrs, and the crucifix embody unconquerable love—as a humble soul kneels in reverent, heartfelt prayer.
I'm drawn to Eastern and Western thought: the humble introspection of Buddhist and Taoist dualism, with nature's ungraspable flow, contrasted by Western mysticism, where the crucifixion symbolizes triumph over spiritual adversity and embodies divine, unconquerable love.
Victory is for those who know how to renounce all judgement:
The road I came by wasn’t the road I took to go. As I stood on the embankment, breached and bridged, I looked in my purse and couldn’t find the smallest coin to give the ferryman. or The road I came by wasn’t the road I took to go. As I stood on my mind’s embankment, the day faded. I looked in my purse and couldn’t find Shiva’s name to give the ferryman (6[53]).
[From Ranjit Hoskote’s I, Lalla (The Poems of Lal Dĕd)]
The soul, like the ever-renewing moon, finds freedom in aligning with life’s natural flow rather than seeking perfection; yet human behavior often recycles judgment and self-critique, driven by a trained focus on improvement and achievement rather than simple acceptance of experience4.
Margaret Atwood often touches on themes of human frailty, resilience, and acceptance of life's uncertainties in both her fiction and essays, advocating the elusive pause of presence, felt in the struggles pushing against doing and achieving, towards just being.
In the desert, there is no sign that says, “Thou shalt not eat stones,” but someone cannot live on bread alone (Matthew 4:1-4); for many, presence feels like a return—a return to a liberated self, free from judgement (although John 7:24 would state this differently): a version glimpsed into a counterintuitive impulse typical to human traits, such as improve, achieve, and control5.
Collectively, what I’ve mentioned above reflects the complex interplay of literary, philosophical, and spiritual references as touchstones in examining the human pursuit of self-betterment: humanity’s intrinsic drive to improve psychological and cultural conditioning, often overshadowing the value of presence and self-acceptance.
Self-discipline and striving clash with surrender to the present, revealing an inner conflict between action and stillness—hinting at a deeper need for sustenance beyond mere achievements and calling, ambiguously, for ‘righteous judgment’ over surface appraisal.
In a more compassionate self-awareness, further supported in valuing “being,” over “doing,” practices’ that prioritize self-acceptance over culturally ingrained tendencies of self-critique tap into the inherent tension between habitual pursuit of perfection and the simplicity of presence.
The invocation of human frailty serves as an endorsement posited in life’s uncertainties, paradoxically lying in resilience’s true ability to let go of the impulse to control outcomes, becoming a meta-critique metaphorical to sustenance beyond “bread alone.”
Searching and finding are separate from success and fulfillment
The drive for success is embedded in human culture, and we often measure it through external accomplishments: wealth, status, influence6.
Our minds, shaped by cultural norms and societal expectations, pursue fleeting goals that often feel like burdens, paradoxically seeking satisfaction while weighed down by imposed milestones.
In my case, my spouse and my parents have watched me wrestle with these doubts, questioning if my worth is defined by a title or by what I leave behind.
This search for exogenous endorsement elucidates a ubiquitous facet of human behavior; the imperative compulsion, nuanced by sanctionable attestation appreciates routinely expedited pursuits, vis a vie vocation, votive offerings, or acquisitioned prestige7.
Early in my career, I fixated on achieving a certain job title, believing it would validate my hard work and worth. When a colleague earned it instead, I realized I’d been chasing external approval rather than genuine fulfillment, letting society's standards define my self-worth.
This goes to show that a perception of merit can readily morph to outward, surface-level affirmations, prompting automatic pursuits which fervently, in place of forwardly, attraction us (like a moths flame).
This very thing, whatever the desire, genuinely nourishes the core of who we are; nonetheless, almost hidden, an all-encompassing magnetism (of collectively idolized ideals) sculpt our molds frame, carving for us all the envisioned dreams—determined in self-worth—uncovered by a depth that’s breadth squeezes breathes.
The gault gates of our innate pressure, significant in scope and scale, rekindles a wholeness adorned in anchors (here-and-now), instead of bills of sale we’d easily forge in laden peripheral accolades.
She Let Go
In Safire Rose’s poem She Let Go, we find a message of release, empowerment, and resilience.
Rose’s line, “She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go,” reflects the act of relinquishing the need for affirmation, embodying the aftershocks of eldritch ordeals by confronting the deeply embedded compulsion for external validation.
Here, letting go becomes a hymn of mettle, unmoored in the courageous action apart from the decrees of communal ideals.
It’s the solemn pledge, intoned through wails and unbidden silences, for all who yearn, whether many or few, a pilgrimage for benediction, beckoned forth with unique kindling (raison d'être) as gentle a valor as dawns unfurl8.
“She didn’t ask anyone for advice… She just let go,” speaks to the pilgrimage for an inner benediction not sanctioned by societal norms, but by a unique kindling of self-worth, enacted to release the resilient bravery from our own soul’s depths.
Rose’s letting go becomes a delicate transmutation of fragility into strength, mirroring the notional metamorphosis, full of invigorated resurgence (V.I.T.R.I.O.L.), within the bounds of relinquishing gestured capitulation.
In this, she shepherds the reader toward an "inward boundlessness," where the journey transcends external sanction, embracing a boundless freedom born of inherent worth unshackled from societal decrees; within this sacred realm, the vow to liberation emerges as a portent of rebirth—a delicate yet alchemically potent transmutation of fragility, guiding all seekers along the passage to the profound expanse within.
Rooted grace unbound in place
Thus, in our yielding, we touch upon the hoary sway of forms.
Like the oak, we unburden that which absent furthers beyond nourished forfeiture, as a parting of disentangled palms (Psalms) merciful beauty, creating rotations extending our stride’s heritage edifice, braided by the subtle steadiness wherein the spirit of being, like a solitary breath, cinders solace enkindled to perpetual hearths.
This is our legacy: an elusively vigorous synthesis of reformation animations, emanating bare within a form harmoniously untouched by accolade or approval.
And in this serenity amidst the evermore grasp for “satiety,” savor the plenitude of every momentary pause; we come, ourselves awakened, to apprehend that genuine merit abides neither by means seen, but in peacefulness—primordial—origins that tie us to the totality of elements.
We are, already and endlessly, a part of the vast, cyclical song of being.
What would life feel like if you measured success not by achievement, but by the courage to let go and simply be present?
The Default Mode Network (DMN), a brain network including areas like the medial prefrontal cortex and posterior cingulate cortex, activates when the mind is at rest or wandering, shifting focus to internal activities that drive patterns of reflection and planning—often resulting in self-focused, repetitive thought loops like rumination on past events or worry about the future, a kind of “mental time travel” linked to both reflection and mental health.
First identified by Marcus Raichle and colleagues in 2001, the DMN is involved in self-reflective thoughts, such as recalling past events and imagining future scenarios (Raichle, M.E., et al. (2001). A default mode of brain function. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 98(2), 676–682).
Thinking designed to enhance mental flexibility, by promoting open-minded exploration and adaptability, helps to reframe rigid thought patterns, leading to a redirected focus in altruistic actions to improve resilience in purpose, contributing to larger fulfillment and connection.
Beginning with gratitude journaling from positive psychology, individuals can shift from self-critical thoughts to an appreciation of positive experiences, reducing the mind’s negativity bias (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
Flow activities like creative hobbies immerse the mind in present-centered tasks by activating the Task-Positive Network (TPN) instead of the Default Mode Network (DMN), decreasing rumination (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990).
Therapies such as Existential Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourage living in the “here-and-now,” moving beyond past regrets and future anxieties (Hayes & Wilson, 1994).
Translated as “Whoever strives hard, we can redeem him.”
What I mean by this, is those who strive—the lives of those living to strive—can earn redemption.
Recursive self-assessment and reactivity in human behavior are mediated by the medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) and amygdala, which, in conjunction with dopaminergic pathways and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, form a feedback loop of evaluative processing, reinforced by cortisol release under stress and reward signaling, often counteracting mechanisms of present-moment acceptance.
[For more about this, read Raichle 2015 and Schultz 2010.]
The desert, biblically interpreted, is a symbol of trial and isolation (as seen in Exodus 16 with the Israelites’ reliance on manna from God), representing a space where superficial solutions and rigid rules lose significance, and inner wisdom becomes essential.
It’s judgement is a testament of James 2:13 and Romans 12:2; respectively, the first underscores the transformative potential of compassionate understanding over rigid condemnation, while the second leads to the practical presence in returning to the present, where renewal arises not from worldly judgement or pursuit but from inner metamorphosis.
Biblical notions aside, the neurochemical perspective is appreciated in tandem with such archaic forms of communication, mitigating repetitive negative thought patterns and enhancing neurochemicals like serotonin and oxytocin, thereby promoting a non-judgmental, compassionate awareness aligned with emotional well-being and resilience (reflective to biblical teachings on judgment, inner peace, and transformative renewal).
In perfect peace, those who are steadfast in mind trust one another (Isaiah 26:3), as the counterintuitive nature of presence, quieted by the drive to improve and control, relinquish the power over to something greater (Psalms 46:10); stillness and surrender are observed over constant striving, encouraging letting go of anxious, often intrusive thoughts (Matthew 6:34).
All of this is to emphasize trust over control, to suggest a state of inner peace corroborated by neuroscience (although, I’m not remiss to admit there is a historical contention between biblical hermeneutics and scientific investigation), where mindful reductions on the brain’s cognitive load allows for a natural rebalancing of neural pathways which promote resilience.
The cultural drive for success outlined by Weber and Durkheim extends beyond basic achievement woven into the fabric of societal values, through complex frameworks that shape how success is perceived and pursued.
Weber’s argument in the Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism suggests that Protestant values (particularly Calvinism) emphasize hard work and frugality as signs of moral integrity and favor in God’s eyes; a belief system contrasted inadvertently in a foundation laid by what Weber calls “innerweltliche Askese,” where self-discipline in worldly affairs (i.e., business and personal success) is seen as an act of religious devotion: these systems align with modern systems, where value is often viewed by success attributable to moral virtue (although nefariously dubious and incoherent in congruency), linking financial gain with personal worth.
In The Division of Labor in Society, Durkheim introduces the concept of collective consciousness, the shared beliefs and values that bind societies together, where he argues its influence in individual motivations, deriving a sense of purpose and societal worth through roles that align with collective ideals.
In Suicide, Durkheim delves into anomie—a state of normlessness that arises when societal expectations lose clarity or coherence, often occurring in rapidly changing societies.
He explains that in the absence of strong, cohesive values, individuals may become excessively ambitious or dissatisfied, pursuing status and wealth as substitutes for more grounded sources of meaning, and describes how these pursuits stem from social expectations rather than intrinsic desires: individuals conform to cultural standards that equate wealth and social standing with stability and respectability.
Edward Deci and Richard Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory (SDT) highlights that reliance on extrinsic rewards can undermine intrinsic motivation, leading individuals to prioritize external markers of success over personal fulfillment, thus diminishing self-fulfilling motivations, pushing individuals toward achievements that may not align with their authentic aspirations.
Extrinsic and intrinsic motivations complicate our understanding of success: while intrinsic motivation drives personal fulfillment, extrinsic motivation depends on external rewards. This perspective suggests that social structures shape personal ambitions, leading individuals to internalize societal expectations and pursue wealth and status as essential for social belonging.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, though widely known, becomes more nuanced when we consider the later addition of self-transcendence—a stage beyond self-actualization.
Self-transcendence invites individuals to seek meaning beyond themselves, aspiring toward a larger cause or collective good; yet society's focus on materialism constrains this drive.
Status-seeking behaviors often shift toward self-transcendence, a concept Viktor Frankl called the “existential vacuum”—the absence of meaning in life.
When overemphasized, this emptiness feeds a cycle of frustration, known as the “hedonic treadmill.”
It reveals a paradox, in that as much as an individual achieves, the less satisfaction they experience, becoming desensitized to each new level of success, as the endless cycle of adaptation supports a narrow view that societal markers of success are not only unsustainable as sources of fulfillment but may also contribute to chronic dissatisfaction.
In simpler terms, our achievements and goals are often shaped by cultural expectations, pushing us to chase external validation—whether through job titles, status symbols, or outward success.
It can feel as if these accomplishments, rather than fulfilling us, become heavy burdens, driven by a need for approval from others.
This need for outside endorsement is a common part of human nature, encouraging us to pursue recognition in careers, material wealth, or acts meant to win respect.
Gabriel Tarde’s The Laws of Imitation argued for a theory of imitation, where individuals are driven by a “need to imitate,” which compels them to seek validation through accepted norms and authoritative figures, driving behaviors aimed at social alignment and prestige; respectively, Thorstein Veblen’s The Theory of the Leisure Class, explores the notion of conspicuous consumption, revealing how the acquisition of prestige and “votive offerings” can reflect a desire to project social standing through material means.
Eldritch is an archaic term used to evoke something eerie.
Here, “eldritch ordeals” suggests trials or challenges that are almost otherworldly, invoked by formative struggles that go beyond the ordinary in mystical hardships one must endure: a “solemn pledge.”
Against our own salvation, decreed meanings serves as pillars to resilience, forged through the sense of suffering; it’s a raison d'être, or ‘reason for being,’ denoted in foundational motivations for one’s existence, essential for self-realization (Ecco Homo).
Individuation through trials trails self-actualization, rounded in purposeful courage and vulnerability, becoming a imprimatur quietus (a sanctioned state of inner peace).