The psychology of being positive

An exploration into my personal journey, and how its been shaped by being positive

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

— Emily Dickinson, “Hope” is the thing with feathers

[For the complete works of Emily Dickinson, click here.]

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cup of positivity. Credit: niepoprawnie, Deviantart

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As I sit down to reflect on my life, I can’t help but chuckle at the irony.

Balancing the insights of positive psychology while running a successful coaching business feels like juggling a basket of fruit while riding a unicycle, blindfolded—messy and chaotic, often defying logic, yet ultimately rewarding and satisfying.

But, when I journey deeper into the concepts of positive psychology, there’s not some grand epiphany—a great lightbulb that goes “ding”—but more of a search for clarity amidst the desperate tumult of life’s progression.

I’m fascinated in how the darkest shadows reveal the brightest lights¹.

In my case, these revelations came through times of pain, shadowed with thoughts of learned hopelessness, struggling to see a path forward.

A timeless compass

Tracing the roots of positive psychology leads me to Martin Seligman, who established it as a new domain in 1998 during his presidency at the American Psychological Association.

[For more information about the history of positive psychology, click here.]

Positive psychology enhances traditional psychology by focusing on positive states, traits, relationships, and institutions, promoting well-being through nurturing character strengths and fostering growth in families, schools, and workplaces to improve happiness, health, and productivity².

Thriving Within is a program I've created through my coaching business, designed to offer meaningful tools for enhancing happiness, deepening relationships, and boosting productivity in both your personal and professional life.

If you’re curious about how Thriving Within might resonate with your journey, feel free to reach out—I’d love to share more and explore how it can support you!

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

—Nancy Levin, Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth

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A Personal Encounter with Shadows

Let me share a personal story.

Throughout my life, I have faced many challenges:

• Engaging in criminal activity as a youth

• Struggling with addictions to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes

• Experiencing bouts of homelessness

• Battling feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and victimization

• Dealing with emotional dysregulation and anger

• Dropping out of high school

• Navigating toxic personal and professional relationships

These were environments thick with darkness and negativity, where I often felt like a rabbit caught in a predator’s gaze.

It wasn’t until I was 27, emerging from a tumultuous relationship where I had both cheated and been cheated on, that I asked myself, “What the f*** am I doing with my life?”

It was a moment of reckoning, as I confronted the years I had seemingly wasted on impulsive and destructive habits.

That’s when I decided to make a change—a positive change.

Since then, I have achieved many things I am incredibly grateful for:

• I’m working towards a pardon to suspend my criminal record, allowing greater access to travel, work, and volunteer opportunities.

• I’ve quit smoking cigarettes and marijuana, as well as drinking, and have been sober for over a year.

• I currently have stable housing with my spouse.

• I no longer see myself as a victim; I believe anything is possible with the right determination.

• I’m actively regulating my emotions and managing my anger, which has become a lifelong process.

• I graduated high school with top marks in mathematics, science, and English.

• I’ve cultivated healthy, stable relationships with friends and family.

• I married my best friend, my rock and guiding lighthouse, who has seen me through life’s storms with comfort and compassion.

These accomplishments might not seem significant to some, but they resonate deeply with me.

As James Clear wisely said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

Through positive psychology, a dash of humor, and a wealth of resilience, I’ve discovered the power of cultivating joy—much like a child unearthing a long-lost toy—even amid life’s most challenging circumstances³.

I’ve learned to play the game of life by my own rules, embracing revolutionary mindset shifts that have transformed my journey, all thanks to my work with positive psychology.

Research and Revelations

Today, the field of positive psychology has blossomed, thanks in no small part to pioneers like Martin Seligman.

[For more information about Seligman and positive psychology, click here.]

His research has illuminated the concept of resilience through numerous case studies, revealing that even those who have faced the darkest trials can emerge stronger⁴.

Our struggles become the fertile ground for our strengths, like winter storms that give way to a vibrant spring.

Together, let’s create a brighter future

So, what does positive psychology offer us, aside from the promise of a sunny outlook?

It equips us with resilience-building tools like journaling gratitude, practicing kindness, and nurturing supportive relationships—scientifically backed methods that can transform our mindset.

These simple acts—like starting your day with gratitude or small gestures of kindness—are revitalizing, creating ripples of positivity in your life and those around you.

I wrote this article for a subscriber, AlchemyRose, as a heartfelt exploration of how community and sharing can shape our understanding of positive psychology.

Through the journey of writing, I unearthed a beautiful truth:

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Our individual stories are not merely personal experiences.

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This realization transformed my perspective, revealing that by sharing our struggles and victories, we cultivate a sanctuary where empathy, growth, and a resilient, compassionate community thrive.

Each shared story becomes a beacon of hope, creating a vibrant network of understanding and love, inviting us to embrace both light and shadow as they illuminate our path to joy and fulfillment.

Your experiences matter, and your voice is essential in this ever-evolving narrative, as we strive to be the gentle hum of positivity that echoes through our lives and those around us.

So, what challenges have shaped your journey, and how can you reframe them as opportunities for growth and resilience?

1. If one thinks about it from a purely physical perspective, within the context of space, light travels only to find the darkness was already there, waiting.

This insight is paraphrased from a quote attributed to Terry Pratchett; I’ve not found a credible source to substantiate this (I believe it’s credited with being found in Reaper Man, but I am unable to verify this).

In The Light Fantastic, Pratchett does write :

“There was no real need for the torches. The Octavo filled the room with a dull, sullen light, which wasn’t strictly light at all but the opposite of light; darkness isn’t the opposite of light, it is simply its absence, and what was radiating from the book was the light that lies on the far side of darkness, the light fantastic. (104)”

2. In traditional psychology, approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Psychoanalysis, and Behaviorism aim to treat mental health issues by addressing dysfunction, diagnosing, and correcting negative behaviors or thought patterns.

Positive psychology, on the other hand, emphasizes:

• Positive States: such as happiness, flow, or gratitude

• Positive Traits: like kindness, creativity, and resilience

• Positive Relationships: supportive friendships or healthy partnerships

• Positive Institutions: including workplaces promoting well-being or schools focused on character development.

3. Uplifting Literature:

James Clear’s Atomic Habits

A transformative self-help book that connects habits to identity through the ‘Four Laws of Behavior Change’: Make it Obvious, Make it Attractive, Make it Easy, and Make it Satisfying, providing a practical framework for positive change.

Ali Abdaal’s Feel Good Productivity

This book argues that true productivity comes from joy rather than discipline. Abdaal encourages readers to focus on what brings happiness and reduce obstacles, promoting stress-free productivity based on personal fulfillment.

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People

A classic guide to effective communication, Carnegie outlines simple principles for building relationships through empathy, active listening, and genuine interest, demonstrating their profound impact on interactions.

Mindfulness practices:

Five Senses Exercise: Observe your surroundings by identifying five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste to ground yourself in the present.

Walking Meditation: Walk slowly and focus on the sensations of each step, the ground beneath your feet, and the surrounding air.

Body Scan: Lie down or sit, and mentally scan your body from toes to head, noticing any tension or sensations to promote relaxation.

Mindful Breathing: Focus on your breath by inhaling deeply, holding briefly, and exhaling slowly, redirecting your attention back to your breath as needed.

Gratitude exercise:

Gratitude Journal: Set aside a few minutes each day to write down three to five things you are grateful for. Reflect on why you appreciate each item to deepen your sense of gratitude.

Gratitude Jar: Keep a jar where you can drop in notes of gratitude. Whenever you feel thankful, write it down and place it in the jar. Review the notes at the end of the month or year to remind yourself of all the good in your life.

Daily Affirmations: Begin or end your day with positive affirmations focusing on gratitude. For example, say to yourself, “I am grateful for my health” or “I appreciate the love in my life.”

4. Martin Seligman was renowned for his research on learned helplessness, the development of the PERMA model (Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment), and the VIA Classification of Character Strengths.

Seligman's initiatives include resilience programs for youth, such as the Penn Resiliency Program, and his influential books, including Authentic Happiness and Flourish, which explore the principles of positive psychology and their applications in education and the workplace.