The process from perfection to progress

Breaking free from influencer traps, defining my own success, and cultivating a digital space that reflects my true values

He then deuisde himselfe how to disguise; 
    For by his mightie science he could take 
    As many formes and shapes in seeming wise, 
    As euer Proteus to himselfe could make: 
    Sometime a fowle, sometime a fish in lake, 
    Now like a foxe, now like a dragon fell, 
    That of himselfe he oft for feare would quake, 
    And oft would flie away. O who can tell 
The hidden power of herbes, and might of Magicke spell?

—William Ponsonbie’s The Faerie Queene (Book I, Cant. II)

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With a recently shaved head, and a cup full of joy, mornings are for coffee (and, as David Harbour says, contemplation).

It’s another one of those mornings, sipping coffee, contemplating what I should share through the internet.

As I’m sitting on my couch, mindlessly scrolling through social media, barely aware of how long I’ve been lost in the endless scroll, suddenly there are things that catch my attention.

A perfectly staged breakfast here, a beach photo there—meanwhile, my coffee is getting cold—and my productivity for the day is circling the drain.

I catch sight of an influencer, their energy practically bouncing off the screen; a look we know all to well, effortless, glowing, and possibly living in a permanent Instagram filter.

“Follow my advice, and you’ll live the life of your dreams!” they say with the kind of enthusiasm that makes me think they must be onto something, and for a brief, glittery moment, I think, Maybe they do have the answers I’ve been searching for.

If I do exactly what they say, I, too, will finally have my life all figured out.

Spoiler alert: It never works out that way.

The snare of the influencer (or, how I became a dream-chaser)

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been drawn in by influencers promising financial freedom, perfect abs, or elaborate skincare routines, diving in headfirst each time, believing this will be the thing that changes everything.

But then reality hits, and a week later, I’m still stuck in the same place—poorer, more confused, and no closer to that beach vacation.

What went wrong?

It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize I wasn’t chasing my dreams, but someone else’s, drawn in by the drug of charisma (of influencers with their confidence), shiny promises, and “you-can-have-it-all” vibes.

But, as I’ve learned the hard way, charisma and credibility are not the same thing.

Just because someone looks like they’ve got it all figured out doesn’t mean their path is right for me—or that it even works, as many are selling dreams built on inherited wealth or sheer luck, not the strategies they preach¹.

Pruning the weeds to tend the garden

So what do I do now?

How do I stop myself from getting lost in the maze of Instagram filters and self-help threads?

Well, first off, I had to take a good, hard look at my digital life.

If my life is a garden, it needs serious pruning—I must stop allowing every flashy new “must-try method” to take root, suffocating my own creativity, focus, and well-being.

I started setting boundaries.

I trimmed my screen time (yes, there’s an app for that) and unfollowed accounts that didn’t align with my values—because while I’m all for a little inspiration, it’s not worth sacrificing my sanity

I needed to curate my online space the same way I’d weed a garden—out with the things that don’t help me grow.

I also learned that pausing is a power move².

When I get that familiar rush of excitement over some life-changing tip or new fitness routine, I stop and ask myself:

Does this really fit with my life?

Does it align with who I am and what I value?

Most of the time, the answer is a clear “nope.”

I sleep on it, and nine times out of ten, the urge to sign up for that overpriced course fades away.

Beware: Charisma isn’t Credibility

Let’s talk about charisma, because it’s something I fell for over and over again.

There’s something so compelling about a confident person telling you exactly what you need to do to get your life together.

But, confidence doesn’t automatically equal expertise.

Some of the most charismatic people I’ve followed were selling nothing more than confidence wrapped in a shiny package, which I was buying, hook, line, and sinker.

These days, I look past the glossy posts and motivational speeches, and I ask the important questions:

Do they actually know what they’re talking about?

Are they consistent in their values, or are they just jumping on the latest trend?

If they’re more interested in their own followers than in offering real value, I’m out.

Defining my own success

I’ve been down the rabbit hole of extreme diets and workout routines that promise quick results, and every time, I ended up feeling worse—disconnected from my body, frustrated that I wasn’t hitting the impossible goals I’d set for myself.

I wasn’t chasing health; I was chasing someone else’s version of it.

I realized I needed to define my own values, and for me, that means balance, honesty, and, most importantly, self-compassion.

Have you ever signed up for something in the heat of the moment, only to wake up the next day with a serious case of buyer’s remorse?

Emotions have a sneaky way of clouding our judgment, making situations seem more urgent or exciting than they actually are.

I remember almost signing up for an expensive course after getting swept up in the excitement of a live webinar.

Thankfully, I paused and slept on it.

By the next morning, I realized the course wasn’t actually offering anything new—it was just the speaker’s enthusiasm that had me hooked.

Lesson: when in doubt, pause.

Real over perfect

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to value authenticity over perfection.

I used to follow seemingly perfect people on social media, but I’ve realized that perfection is often a façade, and it’s the flaws that make us human and relatable.

Now, I pay attention to how people handle their flaws.

I’ve stopped following the people who can’t be real with their audience, and instead, I seek out those who are honest about their struggles.

It’s more refreshing, and frankly, more useful than any airbrushed version of reality.

Growing mindfully in the Digital Garden

So, what’s next?

I’m still figuring that out!

I’ve met some incredible people through my time on Substack; through my struggles with addiction, anger, and mental health.

It’s no longer about crafting a perfect narrative to sell online but about being intentional, setting boundaries, and ensuring that what I create aligns with my values, using mindfulness to slow down and focus on my needs rather than external demands.

When all else fails, I step outside, take a deep breath, and remind myself that the world beyond the screen is messy, imperfect, and full of unexpected beauty—just like me.

So here’s my challenge to you:

How can you tend your own digital garden?

What distractions need weeding out, and what values are you nurturing?

It’s time to stop chasing someone else’s dream and start cultivating your own, because in the end, this journey is yours, and only you can choose the path to follow.

1. There are of course countless examples of entrepreneurs who’ve built successful businesses through determination and grit:

• Melanie Perkins persisted through early investor rejections to create Canva, a multibillion-dollar design platform.

• Davis Smith founded Cotopaxi, an outdoor gear brand with a social mission, after multiple startup failures.

• Tristan Walker created Walker & Company to serve the personal care needs of people of color, eventually selling the company to Procter & Gamble.

• Payal Kadakia pivoted from an initial failure to build ClassPass, a billion-dollar fitness subscription service.

• Ben Francis started Gymshark from his bedroom at 19, turning it into a global fitness brand through innovative social media marketing.

2. The concept of pausing as a powerful tool in emotional regulation and decision-making is well-supported by multiple sources.

Daniel Goleman explains in Emotional Intelligence that pausing activates the prefrontal cortex, allowing for rational thinking over impulsive reactions from the emotional amygdala.

Similarly, Stephen Covey emphasizes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People the importance of pausing to reflect and make intentional choices, avoiding reactive responses.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, in Wherever You Go, There You Are, underscores the mental health benefits of mindfulness and pausing, which reduce stress and enhance clarity and focus.